Spring Fever In Moquot Land

The Moquot Minister of Propaganda, in his black Italian suit, stepped carefully through the forest so that his shiny cordovan dress shoes wouldn't sink into soft patches of dirt. He pulled branches aside with both his hands as he walked, ducking occasionally to avoid other branches and was swatted in the face by yet other branches that he would have effortlessly blocked had he had a third hand.

Buck Channel was the highest paid government employee, pulling down more than a half-million dollars annually, far more than any Moquot Indian government employee. Channel was not a Moquot citizen, only an employee, although there were rumors that he may have been given Moquot citizenship since nobody has ever seen an official list of Moquot citizens except the nation's rulers. Nobody really believed this rumor but it was repeated to drive home the fact that the names on the voting rolls should be made known to its citizens if only for transparency reasons. Others wanted to know the names on the rolls to know exactly who their distant cousins were.

None of the few government's senior managers had Moquot blood. This would ensure that the executives were only loyal to their paymasters and not have conscious or subconscious loyalties to the Moquot citizens.

Each of the approximately 1,000 Moquot adults paid over $500 every year just for Channel's salary. Channel was paid twenty times more than the Moquot security guard who he followed through the forest. Channel, an amiable rogue, once worked for a congressman. This led the Moquot Councilors to believe he had some kind of magic. He could arrange appointments for the Royal Councilors with congressmen. And generally Channel would have to do the speaking once in those meetings because the Royal Councilors were so impressed with their hosts that they could not speak.

But when the Royal Councilors were back on their own Moquot land, they were the rulers. The security guard and Channel reached the cave where Seven Snakes had remained for the last two days, sitting on a log, his eyes locked on the cave opening as if in a trance. Seven Snakes was a ghostly white, had dark bags under his eyes and a half-grown beard.

"How 'bout .... How 'bout ... How 'bout ... ," Seven Snakes chanted in a low voice as his head bobbed up and down in a rythmic beat. A bloated toad was on Seven Snakes shoe. Stomach expanding, contracting, burping, ribbit ... expanding, ribbit.

"Snake!," Buck Channel was shaking Seven Snakes' shoulder lightly. The security guard stared at Seven Snakes like he was from another planet.

"Huh?" Seven Snakes stared through Channel's body, then focused on Channel's blue tie and slowly moved his eyes to those of Channel's.

"We should go now," Channel said sympathetically.

"How 'bout ... How 'bout," Seven Snakes rose from the log like a robot and followed the two of them out of the forest.

"The village meeting is tomorrow," Channel told Seven Snakes but Seven Snakes could not or did not want to come back to reality. Channel understood this and led Seven Snakes out of the forest in silence.

Once out of the forest, Channel opened the passenger side door of his car and Seven Snakes got in. Channel thanked the security guard, who was busy spray painting over the two words "Its Over," that was scrawled on a curb in the parking lot. The phrase was being seen more and more these days, no doubt at the hand of a cave dweller.

Channel dropped Seven Snakes at his home an hour away from Moquot. None of the Royal Councilors lived in their own nation. It was not known if this was due to security reasons or the lack of housing. If the Royal Councilors lived in Moquot, maybe Moquot citizens might resent not having housing in their own nation. The Royal Council refused to build recreational facilities in their land, they didn't want their citizens to have a reason to visit. Of course the citizens could gamble their money at the casino. That was permissible, it would bring in government revenue.

The Moquot citizens could also eat and shop in the overpriced restaurants and stores in the casino.

Immediately upon ariving at the office at noon, Buck Channel saw a newly-found pamphlet on his desk. "The CaveDweller Courier."

"It even has a name now," Channel thought to himself. He knew the pamphlets would not stop until the guilty citizens were caught.

The main story in the pamphlet was about the main casino losing money, about the Keystone Casino losing money and the Moquot Nation's financial troubles. The article even contained financial figures that were somehow leaked to the cave dwellers. The pamphlet included stories on other matters too. One of the other stories was about a piece of Moquot royal burial land that the Moquot goverment sold to outsiders. The story ended with a question about why the Moquot government would do such a thing?

Channel had to prepare notes for the Royal Councilors to use at the village meeting to be held the next day. The meetings were now held every three months. They were held monthly in past years but the Royal Council insisted that they be held less frequently. How dare they be asked questions and judged by citizens, the Royal Councilors thought. It is the citizens who are to be judged by them.

It was when the Royal Councilors were contemplating how to make the meetings less frequent that Channel stepped up to the plate and gave them instructions. The insructions were to change the hours of the monthly meetings at the last minute. When that was put into place, citizens would arrive at the palace for the regularly scheduled monthly meeting and see signs that the meetings were rescheduled for three hours earlier. So they actually missed that day's meeting. Excellent plan. After a few months, new signs went up on the evening of the monthly meetings. When citizens arrived for these following monthly meetings, they were confronted by signs saying the meetings were cancelled.

When the government newspaper finally reported that monthly meetings were no longer to be held, the reason they gave was that attendance was low. The government newspaper failed to say that nobody was at the last monthly meeting because it was cancelled. But at Moquot, The Falsehood was The Truth.

Channel called Kuso, the head of the government newspaper, and said they needed to meet immediately. Both Channel and the Moquot financial advisor jointly ran the operations of the Moquot government but Channel, in his capacity as the Propaganda Minister, had operational responsibility for the government newspaper and any statements made by the government.

"A bulletin needs to be sent to all Moquot citizens immediately saying that the pamphlets tell lies," Channel told Kuso. "And remind the citizens that information about the Moquot government belongs to the government. Speaking of this information is now a crime. Only the Moquot government can discuss information about the government."

Kuso, an athletic middle-aged man, well-educated, listened and took his orders. Kuso was a Moquot citizen but convinced himself that he was only doing his job. If he didn't run the newspaper, somebody else would. Besides, he did a good job considering the restraints imposed on him by the government. Kuso stared at his pad and jotted down notes with a face that showed no emotion.

The bulletin was sent out that night and posted on the web of street posts in the village.

After the meeting with Kuso, two Moquot citizens were escorted into Channel's office by a security guard with a cigarette hanging from his lips. Gallivant had risen in the ranks of the security force, smoking more cigarettes with every pay raise.

"Buck, we caught these two citizens. One is being charged with intent to drop a bagel and the other we believe has something to do with the pamphlet." As Gallivant spoke, his cigarette fell from his mouth onto Channel's desk. Gallivant pulled out another cigarette and lit it up while Channel extinguished the cigarette on his desk with the suspect bagel that was brought in as evidence. Channel stopped getting irritated long ago with Gallivant's mindless discarding of his lit cigarettes by just letting them fall from his lips when done with them. It was called Gallivant's Gravity. "If an apple fell from the top of a building at the same time as a cigarette from Gallivant's mouth, the theory of Gallivant's Gravity proves that Gallivant would have lit another one by the time both hit the ground."

Buck looked at one of the suspects and couldn't believe his eyes.