The Bagel Fable

The handful of citizens were gathered in the forest. They finished reviewing the new law recently passed by the Royal Council. Once again, the revised law seeks to restrict information freedoms.

According to the new law, it turns out that citizens who are found by the Special Committee on Behavior to be in violation of laws lose any right to even make a request for information from the government. None of the citizens at the meeting could understand why that clause was put in the new law. Of course, the government doesn't let citizens know of the laws until after they are approved by the Royal Council or even discuss with the citizens the reasons for making those laws.

The small group of citizens not only talked about the new law but also discussed the recent bagle arrest. Once word got around that a citizen was arrested for dropping a bagel, citizens became afraid to eat bagels. The local bagel company, within a week of the incident, was now on the verge of going broke.

The bottom line about the new law was that it is especially unfavorable for citizens' petitioning rights. The group finished writing up the petition, divided up the paperwork and set off to get signatures.

Meanwhile, the head of the Royal Council, Seven Snakes, was seated next to the head of the Special Committee on Behavior at a table at the Starburst coffee house. The two of them were talking about the possibility of another petition. Seven Snakes said, "If they can't get their hands on any new law or decree that is passed, they certainly can't petition against it. I think a new provision in our new freedom of information law accomplishes that."

The Starburst was two blocks from the palace but the two officials have never walked to the coffee house. The roads were unforgiving, the passing cars even less so. It was much safer to drive when leaving the palace. The Starburst complex was like its own city with restaurants of almost any type and stores that carry everything the nation's citizens could want.

Seven Snakes called the head of the government's newspaper, "Where are you." Then a five second pause. "Well, I'm ready now." Another short pause. "Make it so."

The man who ran the newspaper grabbed his camera and left the palace off to see Seven Snakes at the coffee house.

"Kuso is on his way. How's my hair look?," Seven Snakes asked the head of the Special Committee on Behavior. The most unshakeable rule of the goverment's newspaper is that Seven Snakes' photo must be on the front page of every issue. In fact, it isn't uncommon to see his photo on every page but it must be on the front page.

"How are you making out with the new proclamation?," Seven Snakes asked the head of the Special Committee on Behavior.

"Well, it's not as easy as you think. There are some holdouts," said the Special Committee chief.

Seven Snakes pulled out a small mirror, turned his head from side to side without his eyes leaving the image in the mirror. "What's the problem? I'm sure you will find a way to convince the rest of the group. You didn't tell them it was my idea, did you?"

"Of course not," said the Special Committee chief. Seven Snakes has been trying to get the Special Committee on Behavior to issue a proclamation that the world was created by one of Seven Snakes' ancestors. The Special Committee chief continued, "But as I said we do have holdouts. Some ... as you know, ahhh ... well, believe in that science thing. And others, uhhh ... other religions."

Seven Snakes' face reddened, he couldn't conceal his frustration any more, "Who is giving them this information? We have never printed anything of that sort." As strange as this line of reasoning may be in other nations, it isn't that far-fetched here because of the government newspaper's second rule: there shall be no other newspaper but the government newspaper.

The constitution does say that a free press is permitted but that is only in theory. In reality, every decade or so when some unruly citizen dares to commit facts and thoughts on paper and distribute it to other citizens, the jackboot of the state kicks in and the intolerance of a non-governmental newspaper becomes crystal clear. The aim of this intolerance, of course, is to make sure that only the government's viewpoint is delivered to the citizens, that the government's version of history is the nation's only version of history.

The Special Committee chief knew his colleagues on the Committee would never agree to issuing such a proclamation but he didn't want to anger Seven Snakes. He knew he could at least stall Seven Snakes. Better to change the subject. And what better than a subject that hit home for the Special Committee chief. "I hear the bagel company is going broke over that ... umm ... incident." The Special Committee's brother ran the bagel company.

Seven Snakes wanted to keep the Special Committee chief happy. One back rubs another. "Kuso will be here any minute. He can do a story saying that there never was a bagle incident. The citizens will buy the story. We'll say some dissident made up that bagle story to make us look bad. We'll run it in the next two issues. Tell it often enough and the citizens will believe it. How 'bout dat? We'll have a picture showing me donating bagels to a fire company? And We can announce that the last day of the month is "Throw Two Bagels Over Your Shoulder For Good Luck Day. How 'bout dat?"

The Special Committee chief was ecstatic about the idea but didn't want to show it. They were under cameras. Everywhere citizens went they were under the cameras except in the forest and even then nobody knew for sure whether there were cameras in the trees. "Very well," the Special Committee chief said. "And what about your brother. How's he doing?"

"He's working on this new sport he wants us to put on in the arena. Like a boxing match except no gloves. The fighters have hammers. How 'bout dat? He says that if the government buys the liability insurance for the event, from his company of course, he'll take a smaller cut on the ticket prices. But forget about that, it's still in the early stages ... hey, get to work on that proclamation for me, okay?"

Stall. Stall, the Special Committee chief thought. The problem of stalling, though, was what if Seven Snakes makes a deal with the Oracle to verify that his ancestor created the world?