Spring Fever In Moquot Land

The Moquot Minister of Propaganda, in his black Italian suit, stepped carefully through the forest so that his shiny cordovan dress shoes wouldn't sink into soft patches of dirt. He pulled branches aside with both his hands as he walked, ducking occasionally to avoid other branches and was swatted in the face by yet other branches that he would have effortlessly blocked had he had a third hand.

Buck Channel was the highest paid government employee, pulling down more than a half-million dollars annually, far more than any Moquot Indian government employee. Channel was not a Moquot citizen, only an employee, although there were rumors that he may have been given Moquot citizenship since nobody has ever seen an official list of Moquot citizens except the nation's rulers. Nobody really believed this rumor but it was repeated to drive home the fact that the names on the voting rolls should be made known to its citizens if only for transparency reasons. Others wanted to know the names on the rolls to know exactly who their distant cousins were.

None of the few government's senior managers had Moquot blood. This would ensure that the executives were only loyal to their paymasters and not have conscious or subconscious loyalties to the Moquot citizens.

Each of the approximately 1,000 Moquot adults paid over $500 every year just for Channel's salary. Channel was paid twenty times more than the Moquot security guard who he followed through the forest. Channel, an amiable rogue, once worked for a congressman. This led the Moquot Councilors to believe he had some kind of magic. He could arrange appointments for the Royal Councilors with congressmen. And generally Channel would have to do the speaking once in those meetings because the Royal Councilors were so impressed with their hosts that they could not speak.

But when the Royal Councilors were back on their own Moquot land, they were the rulers. The security guard and Channel reached the cave where Seven Snakes had remained for the last two days, sitting on a log, his eyes locked on the cave opening as if in a trance. Seven Snakes was a ghostly white, had dark bags under his eyes and a half-grown beard.

"How 'bout .... How 'bout ... How 'bout ... ," Seven Snakes chanted in a low voice as his head bobbed up and down in a rythmic beat. A bloated toad was on Seven Snakes shoe. Stomach expanding, contracting, burping, ribbit ... expanding, ribbit.

"Snake!," Buck Channel was shaking Seven Snakes' shoulder lightly. The security guard stared at Seven Snakes like he was from another planet.

"Huh?" Seven Snakes stared through Channel's body, then focused on Channel's blue tie and slowly moved his eyes to those of Channel's.

"We should go now," Channel said sympathetically.

"How 'bout ... How 'bout," Seven Snakes rose from the log like a robot and followed the two of them out of the forest.

"The village meeting is tomorrow," Channel told Seven Snakes but Seven Snakes could not or did not want to come back to reality. Channel understood this and led Seven Snakes out of the forest in silence.

Once out of the forest, Channel opened the passenger side door of his car and Seven Snakes got in. Channel thanked the security guard, who was busy spray painting over the two words "Its Over," that was scrawled on a curb in the parking lot. The phrase was being seen more and more these days, no doubt at the hand of a cave dweller.

Channel dropped Seven Snakes at his home an hour away from Moquot. None of the Royal Councilors lived in their own nation. It was not known if this was due to security reasons or the lack of housing. If the Royal Councilors lived in Moquot, maybe Moquot citizens might resent not having housing in their own nation. The Royal Council refused to build recreational facilities in their land, they didn't want their citizens to have a reason to visit. Of course the citizens could gamble their money at the casino. That was permissible, it would bring in government revenue.

The Moquot citizens could also eat and shop in the overpriced restaurants and stores in the casino.

Immediately upon ariving at the office at noon, Buck Channel saw a newly-found pamphlet on his desk. "The CaveDweller Courier."

"It even has a name now," Channel thought to himself. He knew the pamphlets would not stop until the guilty citizens were caught.

The main story in the pamphlet was about the main casino losing money, about the Keystone Casino losing money and the Moquot Nation's financial troubles. The article even contained financial figures that were somehow leaked to the cave dwellers. The pamphlet included stories on other matters too. One of the other stories was about a piece of Moquot royal burial land that the Moquot goverment sold to outsiders. The story ended with a question about why the Moquot government would do such a thing?

Channel had to prepare notes for the Royal Councilors to use at the village meeting to be held the next day. The meetings were now held every three months. They were held monthly in past years but the Royal Council insisted that they be held less frequently. How dare they be asked questions and judged by citizens, the Royal Councilors thought. It is the citizens who are to be judged by them.

It was when the Royal Councilors were contemplating how to make the meetings less frequent that Channel stepped up to the plate and gave them instructions. The insructions were to change the hours of the monthly meetings at the last minute. When that was put into place, citizens would arrive at the palace for the regularly scheduled monthly meeting and see signs that the meetings were rescheduled for three hours earlier. So they actually missed that day's meeting. Excellent plan. After a few months, new signs went up on the evening of the monthly meetings. When citizens arrived for these following monthly meetings, they were confronted by signs saying the meetings were cancelled.

When the government newspaper finally reported that monthly meetings were no longer to be held, the reason they gave was that attendance was low. The government newspaper failed to say that nobody was at the last monthly meeting because it was cancelled. But at Moquot, The Falsehood was The Truth.

Channel called Kuso, the head of the government newspaper, and said they needed to meet immediately. Both Channel and the Moquot financial advisor jointly ran the operations of the Moquot government but Channel, in his capacity as the Propaganda Minister, had operational responsibility for the government newspaper and any statements made by the government.

"A bulletin needs to be sent to all Moquot citizens immediately saying that the pamphlets tell lies," Channel told Kuso. "And remind the citizens that information about the Moquot government belongs to the government. Speaking of this information is now a crime. Only the Moquot government can discuss information about the government."

Kuso, an athletic middle-aged man, well-educated, listened and took his orders. Kuso was a Moquot citizen but convinced himself that he was only doing his job. If he didn't run the newspaper, somebody else would. Besides, he did a good job considering the restraints imposed on him by the government. Kuso stared at his pad and jotted down notes with a face that showed no emotion.

The bulletin was sent out that night and posted on the web of street posts in the village.

After the meeting with Kuso, two Moquot citizens were escorted into Channel's office by a security guard with a cigarette hanging from his lips. Gallivant had risen in the ranks of the security force, smoking more cigarettes with every pay raise.

"Buck, we caught these two citizens. One is being charged with intent to drop a bagel and the other we believe has something to do with the pamphlet." As Gallivant spoke, his cigarette fell from his mouth onto Channel's desk. Gallivant pulled out another cigarette and lit it up while Channel extinguished the cigarette on his desk with the suspect bagel that was brought in as evidence. Channel stopped getting irritated long ago with Gallivant's mindless discarding of his lit cigarettes by just letting them fall from his lips when done with them. It was called Gallivant's Gravity. "If an apple fell from the top of a building at the same time as a cigarette from Gallivant's mouth, the theory of Gallivant's Gravity proves that Gallivant would have lit another one by the time both hit the ground."

Buck looked at one of the suspects and couldn't believe his eyes.

Discovery Of The Cave Dwellers

In general, those who serve on the Royal Council operated under two rules: 1) Do whatever is necessary to get on the Tribal Council, and 2) Do whatever is necessary to stay on the Tribal Council.

The Moquot Nation is small, consisting of about 2,000 citizens. The citizens have a much different view of the nation than the Tribal Council, which is part of the reason why the citizens referred to the Tribal Council as the Royal Council. The nation had a famed history and a skilled citizenry.

The nation's drawback, as with all governments, is the citizens' reliance on their elected officials to act in the best interest of the nation. Other than the ability to vote for their elected officials, the citizens had almost no other powers. The nation's affairs were conducted entirely by the elected officials and the non-Moquot executives hired by the elected officials.

Once in office, the elected officials avoided The Truth. They lacked either the ability or the desire to analyze and recognize The Truth and they avoided telling the citizens The Truth. At Moquot, The Falsehood became The Truth.

The Moquot Nation's territory was in the New England region of the United States. The federal government permitted the Moquots, as well as other Indian tribes, to own and operate casinos. The Moquots had the only legal casino in the state that surrounded their small territory. When the casino opened fifteen years earlier, the hopes were high that the Moquot Nation would have the resources to become self-sufficient for eternity and all of its citizens would become millionaires if only a sliver of the profits were divided up among them.

Over the past decade and a half, the Moquot citizens began returning to their homeland to work for the Moquot government and business operations. Families were reunited but had to live outside of the nation's land base until the nation could buy back former lands that once belonged to them centuries earlier. This is what the citizens assumed would happen - that land would be bought, that housing would be built for its citizens, that recreational facilities and new businesses would be added and, basically, that the quality of life for Moquot citizens would be a priority.

Years after the casino opened though, the citizens' share of the wealth never increased, land was not bought and substantial housing never materialized so that the citizens continued to live outside the nation's reservation land base.

The nation has to pay its debt first, the citizens were trained to believe. The Royal Council and the government newspaper led the citizens to believe that everything was going great.

One casino expansion after another was built. After every expansion, the casino became less and less profitable even though more money was spent by customers visiting the casino. The overhead became a tremendous weight on the nation's shoulders. Even as the amount of money pumped into the slot machines levelled off, the Royal Council approved of yet another expansion. The Truth in the numbers was ignored.

The nation's debt kept growing. All expansions, it was later learned, were built on borrowed money. The profits became losses, ensuring that the debt would remain. The nation bought a casino in another state and called it the Keystone Casino, owned entirely by the Keystone Korporation which was owned entirely by the Moquot Nation.

The government newspaper, month after month, told its citizens that the Keystone Korporation was a huge success but, in fact, it had never made any money. The losses kept accumulating and money had to now be borrowed to make up for the losses. The Keystone Casino would never be profitable because its purchase and subsequent expansions were done on borrowed money. The interest payments on the money borrowed for Keystone Casino - approaching three quarters of a billion dollars - would guarantee that it would never become profitable.

As long as the citizens believed the Keystone Casino was successful and the Royal Council's judgment was impeccable then the Royal Council would be re-elected. The government newspaper ensured that The Falsehoods became The Truths.

That was why Seven Snakes wanted to stop whoever had printed and distributed the pamphlets found in the village two days earlier. Fortunately, a breakthrough in the case was made. It happened when a newly-hired security guard tripped on a wire at the periphery of the forest. He first followed the wire into the edge of the village where it came from one of the government buildings. The security guard then followed the wire into the forest. He walked slowly along for two hours and came across a cave.

He pushed the brush aside that covered the entrance and saw tables, chairs a copying machine and a coffee maker. The wire sent electricity from the government's buiding in the village to the cave. In one corner of the cave were pamphlets stacked in boxes. "This must be it!" thought the guard and he ran back to the village to report his find to his supervisor.

The entire security staff was told the day before that finding out where the pamphlets came from was a priority. The security guard rushed into his supervisor's office and, almost out of breath, blurted out the news of his discovery. The guard's boss was a tall woman in her mid-forties that had an impeccable record. After the guard told her the news, he was puzzled that she didn't seem to share the same excitement he had. She picked up her can of spray paint, the standard sidearm of the Moquot security staff, and followed him to the cave.

Upon reaching the cave, the supervisor told the guard he could leave. And because he did such a good job, he was entitled to two weeks of paid vacation. The guard immediately left the cave, even happier than before, to rush home. The supervisor, after putting the brush back to cover the cave's opening walked back to her office. Distracted, she left the can of spray paint inside the cave. The Moquot security staff carried around the spray paint cans so they could immediately paint over any graffiti that they came across that portrayed the Royal Council in a bad light.

The security supervisor left a message about the cave discovery with the Minister of Propaganda. Within minutes the head of the Royal Council, Seven Snakes, was in her office demanding to be shown the cave. The security supervisor led Seven Snakes through the forest to a cave that she said was suspicious. Upon entering the cave, Seven Snakes looked around puzzled.

"I thought you said there were pamphlets and a copying machine here."

The security supervisor seemed irritable, "They must have taken everything out. Maybe they saw us here earlier."

Disgusted, Seven Snakes turned on his heels and began walking back to the village. The security supervisor followed closely behind.

"Go on ahead. I'm gonna walk around the woods for a litte while," Seven Snakes told the security supervisor.

Seven Snakes went back to the cave, looked around for paths but could find none. He walked a short distance, sat on a log and looked at the cave's entrance which was barely visible through the trees. "How 'bout dat," he mumbled over and over in delirious fashion for the two entire days he spent staring at the cave from that spot on the log.

The security supervisor, upon reaching the edge of the forest, looked around and after seeing that nobody was in the area, picked up a small rock, put a folded-up piece of paper on the ground and put the rock on top of the note. She then went home to make dinner for her four children.

Photomania

After a busy morning of listening to the business manager tell them that the nation's ability to borrow money was collapsing, the Royal Council convened to the Moquot Lounge for lighter discussion of the nation's situation. It was in the Moquot Lounge that they could ignore the realities of the outside world.

Seven Snakes spent the morning inspecting his portraits, which were now visible in seven different locations in the hotel. A week earlier, Seven Snakes asked a hotel desk clerk for a key to a hotel room and the desk clerk asked Seven Snakes for his name and whether he had a reservation. Seven Snakes screamed at the clerk, a petite girl in her early twenties, for not knowing him by sight and that she should be fired. Seven Snakes pulled out his cell phone and began to bark at the hotel manager. Immediately after the phone call, staff were reassigned to hang portraits of him in various locations so that the staff would know him by sight and that what was left of his dignity would not be undermined by an employee not recognizing him.

Some years back, a former Royal Councilor had done nearly the same thing. Councilor Kitchens, who had since gone into retirement, hit a jackpot on a slot machine in one of the government-owned casinos. An employee rushed to Councilor Kitchens, paid him his winnings and then asked his name for tax reporting purposes. Councilor Kitchens flew off the handle, said he was a Royal Councilor and said that no reporting of the winnings were to take place. Ever. The next day, portraits of Councilor Kitchens were prominently displayed in the aisles of the slot machine rooms. The portraits were not only prominently displayed in the center of the aisles but, to make sure they were actually seen and not ignored, customers had to turn sideways in order to walk past them when walking down the aisles.

Upon seeing Councilor Kitchens' portrait, other Councilors too wanted their portraits displayed in the goverment buildings. Then, after seeing pictures of the Royal Councilors displayed, the members of the Special Committee on Behavior also wanted their photos displayed. After a week of intense meetings and diligently reviewing floor diagrams, hundreds of portraits of government officials hung in the government's buildings.

The Royal Council Minus One pulled their chairs close together in the lounge, ordered a round of drinks and spoke of generalities. The Royal Council was in a jolly mood, especially after hearing Seven Snakes tell the story of how he made the desk clerk cry.

Two members of the Special Committee on Behavior joined the Royal Council. One was the head of the Special Committee and the other was Piper, who had been at the lounge since the evening before. The head of the Special Committee was happy.

"Thanks for that holiday," the head of the Special Committee told Seven Snakes.

The national bagel holiday, held two days earlier, had been a success. The brother of the head of the Special Committee was awash in cash from the business the holiday generated for his bagel company.

Throngs of Moquot citizens bought bagels to throw over their shoulders. Seven Snakes proclaimed that tossing bagels over their shoulders would bring the citizens good luck and the nation's newspaper backed up this statement with what it called solid evidence. The newspaper ran stories about the calamities that could ensue if people didn't participate in the event. The paper also denied rumors of the bagel arrest.

As much as the government tried to persuade its citizens that the story was simply not true, the persistent rumor of the citizen arrested some weeks back for dropping a bagel had not gone unnoticed by the citizens. Numerous citizens stayed home for the holiday out of fear they might possibly drop a bagel and be arrested. Other citizens glued the bagels to their hands for fear of being caught dropping a bagel. Only one citizen dropped a bagel. After a moment of shock, the citizen turned and ran as fast as he could. The further he ran, the faster he went until he was last seen sprinting up a hill and out of sight into the forest. He has not been seen since, presumably out of fear of returning to face arrest.

The head of the Special Committee broached another touchy subject.

"Ahh ... Seven Snakes, sir ... ummm ... pamphlets are being found around the village. The pamphlet tells of the bagel arrest. We do not know who printed or distributed these pamphlets. We have reason to believe that some citizens are believing what the pamphlet is saying and doubting our newspaper."

Seven Snakes pounded his fist so hard, an ice cube popped out of his glass and skidded across the tabletop, "That will not be tolerated! Who is printing these pamphlets? Find them and bring them to me!"

The head of the Special Committee said, "Better yet. They should be brought before the Special Committee on Behavior if they are found. That way it will look like justice is being done. There are still citizens who believe that we are doing a service by reforming the behavior of citizens."

Around And Around We Go, Where It Stops Nobody Knows

The Royal Council Minus One sat around a table in the Moquot Lounge listening to their business manager deliver the bad news: the Moquot Nation will not survive if they continue to run the nation as it has always been run.

The Moquot Lounge is on the top floor of the high-rise office building that reaches 50 floors into the sky and is known as the Council’s “office” because of the amount of time they spend in the lounge. The Council often held business meetings in the lounge. Heavy security made sure that access to the lounge was restricted. Some of the Councilors entertained girlfriends in the lounge, sometimes wives, but never both at the same time.

The Moquot Lounge is reserved for the highest ranking officials and customers. The walls of the lounge are made of clear glass affording a sweeping view of the nation’s land. The lounge was built so that it rotated very slowly. One could sit in one spot for an hour and see a 360 degree view of the world for that is the amount of time it took for the lounge to turn completely in one full circle.

Many of the Royal Councilors would generally arrive at the lounge in the afternoon and often stay there well into the evening. Seven Snakes snapped his finger and a drink was immediately brought to him. The table was covered with sumptuous food.

“The bankers want their loans repaid. The largest loan, in the amount of $360 million needed to be repaid during the summer. We just don’t have the money.” the business manager told the Council.

The $360 million loan was only a fraction of the Moquot nation’s debt. They first borrowed the money ten years earlier and always refinanced the loan whenever it came due, which was twice before. The Moquot nation had been fortunate in recent years. Interest rates were at the lowest they had ever been so the interest payments on that debt had been manageable. This also put the Moquot nation at the mercy of outside forces now beyond their control: if interest rates began creeping upward, it would be devastating. Fortunately, interest rates weren't expected to rise anytime soon but the money borrowed still needed to be paid eventually.

The Royal Council has always spent money wildly. The Council's financial advisors always made sure the money was available for them to spend. Until now. It was out of the advisor's hands. The bankers now called the shots.

In years past, the bankers would trample over each other to lend the nation money but now it has become difficult to even get a return phone call from the bankers. And when they do call, its not about lending money, its about collecting on money they already lent to the Moquot nation.

Around and around went the lounge while the Royal Councilors tried to understand what the business manage was telling them. Seven Snakes got up from his chair and stumbled into the window. He pulled himself up and stumbled again. Instead of attempting to stand again, he sat up, and tried to focus his eyes on the business manager, then anyone. He could only make out figures, not faces. He was angry, “Why is this room spinning so fast! Who is screwing with the controls!”

“I will find whoever is responsible your majesty,” the business manager said.

The waiter helped Seven Snakes to his feet and then back to the table.

The business manager handed the eight Councilors three sheets of paper each. The Councilors looked over the sheets and then at the business manager. Like most of the nation’s executives, the business manager was not a Moquot citizen.

“What the hell is this?” asked Buffalo Nickel.

“These are … the nation’s financial statements. The first sheet is the balance sheet, the second sheet is the income statement and the third sheet is the statement of cash flows,” the business manager said.

"What do we need these papers for. Just tell us what it means," said Seven Snakes.

“If you turn to the second sheet, the income statement, you’ll see that the nation lost almost $4 million over the last three months. We would have had a small profit if it weren’t for that recently acquired Keystone Korporation, which lost $10 million over the last three months.”

“If you turn to the last sheet, the one that shows the cash coming in and the cash going out, which as you know we can’t fine tune with accounting gimmicks, is the sheet the bankers focus on. The situation doesn’t look good.”

There was an awkward silence around the table. The nation's constitution laid out the duties of the Councilors. Although each Councilor was the same in some respects but all of them also had some distinct duties. One of the Councilor's functions, for instance, was to review the financial statements each month. This resonsibility fell to Buffalo Nickel.

Buffalo Nickel had already contorted the income statement into such a shape that it now sat atop his head like a beanie cap and he was now working diligently on folding the balance sheet into a paper airplane.

The business manager needed to always keep his wits about himself. One careless smirk could result in him losing his half-million dollar salary. The business manager diverted his look from Buffalo Nickel's creations and cleared his throat, “Ernest Hemingway once asked someone how he went bankrupt. The man’s response was ‘first very slowly, then very quickly.”

Seven Snakes raised his drink slowly, then …Splash! The business manager’s head jerked backward. Seven Snakes’ vodka-laced cocktail was now running down the business manager’s face. “Yeah?,” said Seven Snakes to the business manager, “and that answer would be the same answer as to how my drink went empty! How ‘bout dat!"

All of the Councilors present laughed uproariously. One of the Councilors, Milty, was not present. Milty was told the meeting would be held at the Starburst coffee house.

Seven Snakes snapped his finger for another drink while the business manager silently wiped his face with some napkins.

Starsky, another Councilor asked the business manager what they should do about the financial situation.

“Fix it!!” Seven Snakes screamed at the business manager. “Now get out of here.” As the business manager walked toward the door, the Council applauded the first flight Buffalo Nickel's newly-made paper airplane, which glanced the business manager's head.

This too provoked another round of laughter from the Councilors.

The Royal Council Minus One then pushed the financial papers to one side, gulped down the drinks in front of them and came to a quick consensus about the next item on their business agenda: the next round of drinks.

The Bagel Fable

The handful of citizens were gathered in the forest. They finished reviewing the new law recently passed by the Royal Council. Once again, the revised law seeks to restrict information freedoms.

According to the new law, it turns out that citizens who are found by the Special Committee on Behavior to be in violation of laws lose any right to even make a request for information from the government. None of the citizens at the meeting could understand why that clause was put in the new law. Of course, the government doesn't let citizens know of the laws until after they are approved by the Royal Council or even discuss with the citizens the reasons for making those laws.

The small group of citizens not only talked about the new law but also discussed the recent bagle arrest. Once word got around that a citizen was arrested for dropping a bagel, citizens became afraid to eat bagels. The local bagel company, within a week of the incident, was now on the verge of going broke.

The bottom line about the new law was that it is especially unfavorable for citizens' petitioning rights. The group finished writing up the petition, divided up the paperwork and set off to get signatures.

Meanwhile, the head of the Royal Council, Seven Snakes, was seated next to the head of the Special Committee on Behavior at a table at the Starburst coffee house. The two of them were talking about the possibility of another petition. Seven Snakes said, "If they can't get their hands on any new law or decree that is passed, they certainly can't petition against it. I think a new provision in our new freedom of information law accomplishes that."

The Starburst was two blocks from the palace but the two officials have never walked to the coffee house. The roads were unforgiving, the passing cars even less so. It was much safer to drive when leaving the palace. The Starburst complex was like its own city with restaurants of almost any type and stores that carry everything the nation's citizens could want.

Seven Snakes called the head of the government's newspaper, "Where are you." Then a five second pause. "Well, I'm ready now." Another short pause. "Make it so."

The man who ran the newspaper grabbed his camera and left the palace off to see Seven Snakes at the coffee house.

"Kuso is on his way. How's my hair look?," Seven Snakes asked the head of the Special Committee on Behavior. The most unshakeable rule of the goverment's newspaper is that Seven Snakes' photo must be on the front page of every issue. In fact, it isn't uncommon to see his photo on every page but it must be on the front page.

"How are you making out with the new proclamation?," Seven Snakes asked the head of the Special Committee on Behavior.

"Well, it's not as easy as you think. There are some holdouts," said the Special Committee chief.

Seven Snakes pulled out a small mirror, turned his head from side to side without his eyes leaving the image in the mirror. "What's the problem? I'm sure you will find a way to convince the rest of the group. You didn't tell them it was my idea, did you?"

"Of course not," said the Special Committee chief. Seven Snakes has been trying to get the Special Committee on Behavior to issue a proclamation that the world was created by one of Seven Snakes' ancestors. The Special Committee chief continued, "But as I said we do have holdouts. Some ... as you know, ahhh ... well, believe in that science thing. And others, uhhh ... other religions."

Seven Snakes' face reddened, he couldn't conceal his frustration any more, "Who is giving them this information? We have never printed anything of that sort." As strange as this line of reasoning may be in other nations, it isn't that far-fetched here because of the government newspaper's second rule: there shall be no other newspaper but the government newspaper.

The constitution does say that a free press is permitted but that is only in theory. In reality, every decade or so when some unruly citizen dares to commit facts and thoughts on paper and distribute it to other citizens, the jackboot of the state kicks in and the intolerance of a non-governmental newspaper becomes crystal clear. The aim of this intolerance, of course, is to make sure that only the government's viewpoint is delivered to the citizens, that the government's version of history is the nation's only version of history.

The Special Committee chief knew his colleagues on the Committee would never agree to issuing such a proclamation but he didn't want to anger Seven Snakes. He knew he could at least stall Seven Snakes. Better to change the subject. And what better than a subject that hit home for the Special Committee chief. "I hear the bagel company is going broke over that ... umm ... incident." The Special Committee's brother ran the bagel company.

Seven Snakes wanted to keep the Special Committee chief happy. One back rubs another. "Kuso will be here any minute. He can do a story saying that there never was a bagle incident. The citizens will buy the story. We'll say some dissident made up that bagle story to make us look bad. We'll run it in the next two issues. Tell it often enough and the citizens will believe it. How 'bout dat? We'll have a picture showing me donating bagels to a fire company? And We can announce that the last day of the month is "Throw Two Bagels Over Your Shoulder For Good Luck Day. How 'bout dat?"

The Special Committee chief was ecstatic about the idea but didn't want to show it. They were under cameras. Everywhere citizens went they were under the cameras except in the forest and even then nobody knew for sure whether there were cameras in the trees. "Very well," the Special Committee chief said. "And what about your brother. How's he doing?"

"He's working on this new sport he wants us to put on in the arena. Like a boxing match except no gloves. The fighters have hammers. How 'bout dat? He says that if the government buys the liability insurance for the event, from his company of course, he'll take a smaller cut on the ticket prices. But forget about that, it's still in the early stages ... hey, get to work on that proclamation for me, okay?"

Stall. Stall, the Special Committee chief thought. The problem of stalling, though, was what if Seven Snakes makes a deal with the Oracle to verify that his ancestor created the world?

Royal Council Minus One Issue Wanted Poster For Constitutional Lawyer

The Royal Council has just learned of a petition that is being circulated that seeks to overturn a law they approved only yesterday.

The head of the Council, Seven Snakes, glared at his fellow councilors at the table and demanded that the official responsible for drafting the section of the constitution which permits citizens to petition against laws be brought to the palace.

One of the eight Councilors present suggested that the police search for the lawyer.

"We don't want the lawyer here," said Seven Snakes.

"No, I'm not talking about Milty, I'm referring to the lawyer who wrote the constitution," said Starsky. Milty, also a lawyer and the only Councilor not at the meeting was not told of this Royal Council meeting.

Seven Snakes continued, "Milty didn't like the first version of the freedom of information law and he doesn't like the second version that we approved yesterday. So what if he's the only lawyer on the Royal Council. It is us eight Councilors that know what effect a law should have on our citizens. If Milty referes one more time to the law as an 'obstruction of information law' and not a 'freedom of information law' then I want to know. Its unpatriotic that kind of difference of opinion. Maybe the Special Committee on Behavior can take up that matter.

Most citizens prosecuted by The Special Committee on Behavior are usually charged under a "harmful behavior" law that covers pretty much anything. That law is the sparkling jewel and nobody can escape it. Just last week, a citizen dropped a bagel and his behavior was deemed harmful for many reasons. The Committee concluded that the bagel could have injured another citizen if it landed in his eye, that the bagel could have picked up harmful germs and later eaten by another citizen that would have been harmed by ingesting harmful germs, that dropping the bagel could have made everyone aware that a table was not properly set up by the goverment thereby harming the goverment's reputation for efficiency, and last but perhaps the most harmful, that dropping the bagel would incite other citizens to drop their food thereby creating a massive harmful food panic or just utterly harmful chaos.

The Royal Council Meeting Minus One determined that wanted posters should be put up and anyone who could have knowledge of the constitutional attorney's whereabouts are to be summoned to the palace for questioning.

Meanwhile, a mile from the palace citizens reviewed the old and new law line by line in preparation for writing up the petition and to once again contact other citizens for their signatures and support.

Royal Council Issues Morning Decree

The nine members of the Royal Council sat around the table discussing a new law that they designed to restrict information its citizens will receive on the government's inner workings.

The Council listened as their Chief Legal Advisor discussed the new law. The legal advisor discussed changes they made to this second version of a law. The first version was approved some months earlier, provoked a citizen protest and, as a result, the Council rescinded the first version of the law just two weeks earlier.

The new law under consideration by the Council is to replace that first version of the law they rescinded.

The government's Propaganda Minister was also in attendance along with six employees and a handful of members of the Special Committee on Behavior. The Propaganda Minister agreed that something needed to be done to prevent real information getting to the citizens. The nation's only newspaper, produced by the government, did not mention the citizen's petition against the first version. The government newspaper has strict orders not to mention such items that could only encourage other citizens to doubt the Royal Council's judgment.

At the conclusion of the legal advisor's summary of the changes made to the law, she she made one final note. Grinning, she said that any citizens who use any information released by the government will not be tolerated. "They will be arrested and prosecuted by the Special Committee on Behavior ."

Only one of the nine Royal Councilors, known simply as Milty, voted against the new law. Milty makes the other Councilors nervous because whenever he votes against something, the other Councilors wonder what Milty knows that they don't know. Milty is the only Councilor with a legal background and often votes against the other Councilors. Many times when the Royal Council meets as a group they will give Milty the wrong time and place of the meeting or simply not mention there is a meeting. Milty only knew about today's meeting because the Wednesday meeting takes place every week at the same time and same place.

A half-dozen citizens were watching the meeting through a glass panel installed eight years earlier. The glass barrier was installed so that the citizens could see the Royal Council but not be heard. At the conclusion of the meeting, one of the citizens requested a copy of the new law as he saw the legal advisor pass through a hallway outside the meeting room. The citizen was told he should get a copy within two days as required under one of the new law's provisions.

"What if I'm breaking the new law but don't know I'm breaking the law since I can't even see the new law?," asked the citizen. The legal advisor put on the same grin she used when discussing the law at the meeting. As she walked away, she told the citizen, "At least you could be breaking the law for only two days. We weren't required to tell you about a new law for ten days after it goes into effect under the first version that the Royal Council repealed two weeks ago." As she walked away, she turned around and said to the citizen, "Ignorance of a law you cannot see or possibly know about is no excuse for breaking that law."

The citizen stiffened, knowing that breaking the law would land him in front of the Special Committee on Behavior. The citizen would learn about the new law soon, in two days if all goes right. At least the new law will be written down. Some laws are not written down. The power of the Special Committee on Behavior is enormous. They, too, create laws as well as prosecute and punish the offenders. It is the laws created by the Special Committee on Behavior that the citizens have to fear, for many of those laws are not written down but they are expected to follow these unwritten laws.

To make it worse, it is forbidden to discuss some of the unwritten laws but the citizens have to always remember one thing in their nation: ignorance of the unwritten, unspoken laws is no excuse for breaking those laws.